(image credit: Emma Sheehan)

On February 29, 2019, a shot was heard from around the world. It was one of the greatest battles of all time and would put the story of David and Goliath to shame: the ultimate cook-off challenge between Matthew “Ruby” Rubenstein and the legendary chef, Gordon Ramsey. This titanic battle took place in Flavortown, USA.

The challenge started when Ruby went viral on YouTube for saying that “Ramsey is a dried up raisin” and that he “can make a better burger than he could ever imagine.”

Ramsey took the statement as a challenge, and a cook-off was planned as soon as possible.

On the day of the cook-off, the Flavortown arena was filled with famous celebrities ranging from Tony Stark to Mani Te’o’s girlfriend. Both cooks stood face-to-face in the middle of the arena. The tension was so great that it made some people faint in the stands. The entire showdown was broadcast all over the world. Then, the gong banged and the two competitors were off to their stations to create the perfect burger that would be judged by King Neptune, Angelina Jolie and Kanye West.

Both cooks only had 15 minutes to cook the best burgers they could possibly think of. They could use any ingredients they wished to construct the perfect burger.

Both competitors started off strong in the beginning, but it was clear that Ruby was losing ground to Ramsey. Ramsey was cool and collected. He looked to be one step ahead of Ruby at all times. Ruby, on the other hand, was in deep trouble. It was clear he was in over his head as he frantically ran around his kitchen.

By the halfway mark, things started to get brutal. Both cooks were swearing and cussing at each other. Gordon yelled, “You stupid, dumb idiot. Look at you. You’re pathetic and just a sad little man stuck in his own fairytale world.”

Ramsey’s accusations were looking to be correct. It looked like Ruby would only be able to make one burger, and judging from the mistakes he made in his kitchen, it wouldn’t be good.

With a minute left in the cook-off, Ramsey completed his four East-Meets-West Patented Traeger Turkey Burgers with papaya chutney aioli, topped with Taleggio cheese crisp, and microgreens with a side of sweet potato fries to boot. The burgers were glowing with flavor as the crowd cheered in awe.

Yet, Ruby wasn’t even done with his first burger. He was running around the kitchen as if he was looking for something. Then out of nowhere, a scream was heard through the crowd. It was Guy Fieri. He threw a bottle at Ruby and Ruby jumped in the air to catch it. He sprinkled the contents inside the bottle onto his burger with seconds to spare before the clock rang to signal the end of the cook-off.

Ramsey presented his creation first. West said, “Even my genius self could not recreate this outstanding burger.”

Ruby presented his burger next. The judges had to cut up their burger in order to eat it and were visibly displeased. As they ate their small pieces of the burger, everything seemed to stop.

It went quiet. People were on the edge of their seats to hear the verdict.

Neptune finished first and was the first to comment. “This burger reminds me of the time when I faced the sponge in our own cook off. You, sir, are the new king of Flavortown.”

The crowd went into a frenzy as they cheered for Ruby. The other two judges agreed with Neptune and crowned Ruby the winner.

Ramsey was in disbelief that he lost. He went over and tried a piece of Ruby’s burger and the flavor was so intense that it wiped away all of Ramsey’s wrinkles in an instant. Ramsey bent the knee to Ruby and pledged his allegiance to the new king of Flavortown.

Ruby stated that he would rule Flavortown peacefully and open it to the rest of the world for all to enjoy. Guy Fieri disappeared after the cook-off and has still not been located. Some say he will only appear when the future of Flavortown hangs in the balance. It still remains a mystery what was in the bottle that crowned Flavortown’s new king.

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