Aliens completing the construction of SNHU’s new archway. (image credit: Jaelle Matthieu/Emma Sheehan)

Over the Spring break, a mysterious archway was installed on North River Road to welcome students, faculty and guests to the campus.

This archway features Southern New Hampshire University’s name on it, stands to be approximately fifteen feet tall and is made out of an unknown material.

Many people have been questioning the origin of the arch.

“I seriously had no idea this thing was even going up,” said Norbert Dingleman (‘20). “Like, who even decided to put it there? And why is it so off-centered?”

An investigation has been underway since the discovery of the arch was called in to the authorities over the weekend. Some details have had to be kept confidential for the sake of the investigation, however, they did disclose the main conclusion that it seemed to be leading to.

“Aliens,” said Chief of the Manchester Police Department Mark Damon. “That is all.”

Damon was reluctant to share any more details, howeve another police officer by the name of Matt Wahlberg explained that evidence has led the department to believe that there are aliens currently trying to invade our planet. They believe the arch is most likely a homing beacon that can be utilized in case of an emergency or if the invasion goes awry.

Wahlberg refused to share what the particular pieces of evidence were that led the police to this conclusion, but he elaborated on Damon’s previous statement, saying, “The lizard people are walking among us.”

As for the alignment, Wahlberg explained that during the night, there are two stars that reside directly above the supporting poles on either side of the arch. He believes that these stars are actually the receptors for the homing beacon located on the mothership, hence why the arch is off-centered.

“We have reason to believe that the mothership is currently floating above the surface of the Earth, waiting to attack. We wish to advise the public to begin gathering their weapons, stocking their shelves and preparing their bomb shelters,” he said. “If you don’t have a bomb shelter, best of luck to you, and may the aliens have mercy on you.”

Damon wished to remind the public that the investigation is still underway and nothing is set in stone.

“Don’t listen to Wahlberg, we seriously don’t know where he even came from,” said Damon.

Damon was later sucked up into the sky from an unknown source that Wahlberg and other witnesses described as a “tractor beam.”

In light of Damon’s disappearance, students have been advised to stay in their dorms and not approach the arch until instructed otherwise.

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