Southern New Hampshire University (SNHU) students were spooked on the night of Oct. 4 as rumors of a clown walking about our campus— similar to the weapon-wielding ones we had been hearing so much about on social media—circulated quickly, and caused us to lock our windows and pull out our bats and other blunt objects.

Once Public Safety searched and found no sign of a threat, students began to scatter throughout campus to partake in a fun little activity called “Clown Hunting”.

Thus, the cliché of “girl walks into the dark basement after hearing a child’s laughter with no weapon/phone,” commenced.

There are a few options for what the Clown Panic here on campus actually was: one, there was no clown and people were lying; two, there was a “clown”, but it was just a student dressing up harm real adults stay home lessly; or three, there was a clown, and he was parading around our campus with malicious intent.

Now, dear Clown Hunters in all three categories, I have a message for you.

One: I don’t want to waste my words on you, so I’ll just state the obvious: Why would you go out and waste your time and energy just to look around for something you don’t believe exists? It makes no sense. Be productive instead: do some homework, read a book, get some decent sleep.

Two: So, you go out into the woods in the dead of night. You’ve got your baseball bats at the ready, and are well-equipped with smartphones and flashlights.

What are you going to do when you find this clown who you think is just a student pulling a prank? Hit them with your bat? Threaten them? It seemed like all you wanted was a good Snap, and believe it or not, people skipped over your Stories real fast.

Three: You are the dumb girl in the horror movie. The one everyone in the audience is screaming at. I don’t care if you have a bat, a flag pole, your phone, or any type of weapon. If you think that there is a psychotic individual lurking about campus, why would you think it would be a remotely good idea to go looking for them? Curl up in a blanket, watch some lighthearted cartoons, and make yourself a snack… with Nutella.

In fact, all three categories shouldn’t waste their time on pointless hunts and should stay inside to be more productive.

Leave a Reply