To give him some credit, just about all mascots give me the creeps, but there is something about Petey that goes the extra mile into terror town. Be it his emotionless doe-eyes, or his snarky smile, something about him just doesn’t seem right.

We’ve all seen him enthusiastically motivating crowds at sporting events, meandering around campus giving high fives, and leaving a trail of smiles in his wake. However, those smiles are falsely planted with care by their beholders. They’re just brave faces covering up their fear and years of therapy to follow.

Let’s be honest, the SNHU mascot was terrifying from the moment the idea reached the development board. Just think about it: a group of most likely white middle aged men (a fact that typically describes the demographic in which most mistakes regarding choices in this country come from) all at one point sat around a conference table, and decided that the right mascot for this school was a man who could write with a quill.

A man with a vague resemblance to George Washington, and one of the most petrifying faces ever constructed. Not only did this group of well-educated men decide that this was the look that SNHU would embody for what it means to be a Penmen, they also decided that having a man dress up in this fashion was not enough.

No, instead of a costume, a full blown mascot was created. The decision was made to put a man inside another man. Which successfully brings the creep level up an other ten notches.

You may look at the modern Petey and see a vague re- semblance to the monsters in your nightmares, making you question what could possibly be so wrong with him. That is where I ask you to look up past Peteys. The Peteys that existed before the current makeover bring you straight into a Stephen King movie.

So, no Petey, I will not high five you back. In fact, anytime I see you I will run as fast as I can in the opposite direction, because I have a soul that I would appreciate keeping.

Leave a Reply