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APRIL FOOL’S: Residence Life Prisons to Hit Dorms this Fall

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This article is part of The Penmen Press’s annual April Fool’s edition. Even journalists need to have fun once in a while…

SNHU’s office of Residence Life prides itself on offering a fair and thorough conduct process, certain elements of it are still open to change.

As such, starting in Fall 2017, the office will be creating special designated basement floors in each of the residence areas.

These floors are reserved for residents with persisting disciplinary hiccups. They will offer the same residential amenities as other hallways with a few slight changes to account for potential issues within the space.

First and foremost, each hall will have the traditional card scanner for entry. In addition to this, metal detectors will be placed at each main door with officers of the Hooksett Police Department specifically as-signed to prevent illegal contraband from making its way into the halls.

Second, all residents living in these designated hallways will be required to submit their class schedules to the Residence Di¬rectors assigned to those halls. Any time period that isn’t directly linked to a class enrollment will require a sign out for any residents that wish to leave the premises.

Residence Directors retain the right to deny residents these recesses.

Third, residents in these hallways are going to have a weekend curfew of 10 p.m. These residents will as such, only be able to travel off campus for overnight stay during university sanctioned break periods, or in case of emergencies.

Students who are document¬ed while living in these halls will be required to spend three nights in the single room. This single room has one bed with no sheets or blankets, and no windows.

The Office of Residence Life has taken great lengths to ensure that in the future, residents respond properly to rules outlined in the student handbook. One thing is for certain. Students will be able to see firsthand how this new residence hall addition will influence their peers.

Mustapha R. Price
Mustapha R. Price is now an alum of Southern New Hampshire University, pursuing his Masters of Fine Arts with the new Genre Fiction program. An advisor for COCE students, Mustapha has a history of game journalism behind him and a bright future sharing his stories with the world.